With all the spam people get these days, it's a wonder anyone would trust any type of pill sold over the internet, period. Who knows what's in this shit. My guess is ephedra. Ephedra is the all-in-one standard issue legal suppliment that will get you wicked fucking high. Take enough of it, and the difference between it and crystal meth is negligible. So this is like an infomercial. A really bad, lying-through-its-teeth infomercial (like there are any other kinds?). Selling ephedra. Let's go through it, shall we. Their claims:

"Dance All Night"
"Be a Rockstar"
"Excel In Everything You Do"
"Be the Life of the Party"
"Enhance Sexual Pleasure"
"Cure Your Hangover"
"Slam Through Your Work Day"
"Seriously Find Your Groove"
"Motivate for Anything"

Man, you guys are really reaching. There should be a warning label:

"WARNING: The Bomb will not give you the amazing capacity to tell awesome and witty jokes. It will not give you a winning smile and rugged good looks. It will not make you a great dancer. In fact, all things considered, you're the same idiot you've always been, you'll just feel spazzed out about it. Although it may seem like The Bomb is a suitable replacement for coffee, it is not a suitable replacement for a personality. That shit you got to figure out for yourself."

I'm still flabbergasted how these guys think a pill is going to do all those things. What, is The Bomb going to talk to the pretty girl for you? Is it going to complete those TPS reports? Is it going to know the answer to the Final Jeopardy question? Please. It's a fucking pill full of junk and ephedra, not a Superman cape and batmobile. It will make you pace around and scratch your head a lot. It's not going to tear her clothes off and shove her tongue down your cotton-spitting throat.

Seriously, if you really need a pill to help you rock people's faces, you're probably not the type of person who's capable of rocking face in the first place. The pill's not going to help things. It'll just make your inadequacy more obvious. It can't invent what's not there to begin with.

The story of The Bomb is a classic piece of cliched journalism. You know what "herbs" and "organic nutrients" really are? Plant shit. Some guy a long time ago was walking through the forest, picked up a bunch of tree bark, plant mulch and soil, and called it healthy. And everyone else fucking believed him. But at least he's in the right locale. The only real ingrediant of The Bomb is Brigham tea (everything else is unsubstantiated filler. It might as well be dirt). Brigham tea contains the ever-popular chinese herb ma huang. You know what's made from ma huang? Ephedra. And yes, you stupid athletes, that is a banned substance, so don't ever be caught with it in international competition. Oh, and don't use it to work out either. Unless you don't mind your heart going into cardiac arrest. Hey, no pain no gain, right?

And that's partly the reason why the FDA is cracking down on it. Not because it's particularly bad, but because a few meathead weightlifters, diet-obsessed waifs, midnight-cramming undergrads and desperate jibtek warriors have ruined things for the rest of us.

It's strange, but seeing these people partying does not increase my enthusiasm to do stimulants.

The price is fucking outrageous. $45 for 30 caps/a bottle!?!?!? You can get a bottle of 100 caps of far more potent ephedra at the drug store for $15.

Whatever happened to truth in advertising, anyway? Weren't there supposed to be laws against this?

CONTENT: It's not some grand secret. It's fucking ephedra. Go to the damn drug store and get some yourself if you're so interested. Other products that have the same recipe: Metabolife, MeTrim, Herbalife, Adiphen, Thermalean, Lipodrene, Zymax, Genicil, Patent Lean, Thermoslim, Ultra Lipo Lean, Trim Life, Hydroxy Cut, Xenadrine, Herbal Phen-Fen, Shapefast, Thermoburn, Thyro-slim, Trim Spa, Natural Trim, Thermo-Lift. Or just plain Ephedrine. Knock yourself out.

INTERACTIVTY: Yeah, like they would dare let unsupervised people speak their minds on this site. All feedback, all testimonials, all questions, all direct responses have been carefully prepared and delivered in total and complete affirmation of the product. Marketers like to pretend dissent doesn't exist.

OVERALL GRADE: F For my next business, I will take something that already exists, slap a new label on it, call it something new, and purport it to do stuff nothing else on the market does.

Introducing Ishkur's Super Duper Pills that will make you feel super duper. Made from an old chinese recipe that the chinese have been using to feel super duper since ancient China, Super Duper Pills are good at making you achieve maximum super duperness, in addition to the following:

• become invisible
• breathe underwater
• kill a guy with your index finger
• walk up the sides of buildings
• dodge bullets at point-blank range
• install telephones
• fly
• get the power-up and win the game
• program VCRs
• build muscle mass while watching TV
• free trip to New York City

Other products don't make you feel as super-duper as Ishkur's Super Duper pills do. You will not believe the improvement in your life feeling super duper makes you. So make the choice today!